The evenings are unseasonably cold here, and life is still dark by 6:30 when Felix’s footie practice kicks off.
I take him to the football ground and deposit him there beneath the floodlights with his unruly mini alpha-team and an affable coach. Half an hour later his father arrives fresh from the City to bawl pleasantries from the sidelines during the second half.
From the earliest times Felix’s height marked him out as a goalkeeper. And he is good at it. He works hard; he listens to his instructors and learns; and he is reflective without being maudlin.
At 7:45 the door swung open and an outraged seven-year old hobbled in, flanked by his father.
He was not amused. He had chosen, today, to play out of goal, in mid-field – the middle of the pitch. His team mates were in fine fettle and played a game which was physical in the extreme. Tackles were energetic and aggressive. Felix did not enjoy this.
He is a popular little boy. At the end he turned round to his team mates, and with a good-humoured grin, told them they were all perimitive animals.
I am fairly sure my son meant primitive: a wonderful expression of the caveboy antics which had graced the pitch. But there is just a hint in there, is there not, of the perimeter: the boundary. Here was a cageload of little monkeys practicing fancy footwork surrounded by a big white rectangle.
It is Felix’s job, under normal circumstances, to lie like three-headed Cerberus in a lair at one end of the perimeter. There he lurks until danger threatens, and he is roused to defend.
And like Felix, we sometimes get the urge to leave that lair and stretch our legs in a different direction.
Monty Python has a wonderful sketch which involves an accountant. Mr Anchovy takes himself to the vocational guidance counsellor for advice.
Because he does not want to be an accountant any more. He finds it dull and boring, and now he would like an exciting change of vocation.
He informs the counsellor that he would like to be a lion tamer.
A lion tamer, you say, says John Cleese the deadpan counsellor. Yes, says Palin the accountant, I love them when I go to the zoo, brown furry bodies and short stumpy legs and long noses.
Ah, says the counsellor. I think what you are talking about there is an ant-eater.
This, he adds, is a lion. And he shows the accountant a picture so fierce, it convinces our number cruncher with all speed that banking would be an all together better career.
Out there in mid-field, it can be tough. The unfamiliar lurks there and change rules supreme: it is a strange country.
One needs to be very sure one wants a change, and it is wise to look before one leaps.
But if you look – with any kind of prescience – do you really feel like leaping at all?
There are those among us who choose the lion taming, that mid-field action. And a wonderful example of this- and one who lived to tell the tale – was Inspector James McLevy.
Known around and about his Edinburgh patch as ‘Thief Taker’, McLevy was Edinburgh’s first detective, joining the force in 1830. He was also among the most celebrated and accomplished detectives of his time. During his career he solved thousands of crimes by going to the very heart of the city and mixing with those who frequented its dark side.
And then, Reader, he wrote about it. Using a trademark caustic humour, the detective published journals which detailed his plain-clothes approach.
He mingled with the best and the worst of society, picking up intelligence which led to the solving of some of the notorious crimes of the day, including the notorious pickpockets Holmes and Angus McKay. He even became involved with some of the most questionable women of that ancient city.
He bewitched his Victorian audience with his first hand accounts; and then his tales disappeared into the grime which coats the Edinburgh buildings, forgotten.
Until a writer and actor stumbled upon his name while researching the illustrious author of the Sherlock Holmes stories.
David Ashton told the Scotsman: “I was doing research for a television play about Conan Doyle and came across a passing mention of James McLevy,”
“I asked at the British Library and after what seemed like a couple of hours this book appeared, a sorry-looking thing, falling to pieces and tied up with a piece of dingy ribbon.
“I opened it up and it was like entering another world. Here was this person with this wild humour which I liked, a kind of grandiose quality, someone who really fancied himself as a philosopher with a big character.”
Ashton wrote him into a series of detective plays for BBC Radio Four. He was an instant hit: and I heard McLevy for the first time this afternoon. I liked him instantly.
Because this man walked into the proverbial lion’s den: and became accustomed to it. The perimitive animals of Edinburgh were his subject matter for three decades and his success at lion taming meant he was listed on Edinburgh City Police’s records as number one detective out of a team of six.
Ashton has written two books based on his stories which are must-reads for any lovers of the detective genre.
Some of us are made for a lair at the perimeter of life: others for the hectic cut-and-thrust of mid-field.
Most of us, though, are on a continuum, somewhere between the two. And every now and then comes a call to come closer to the centre of the action.
We look: and then, depending on the prognosis, we might leap.
Best of luck, the next time you hear that call.
Kate Shrewsday 
thanks Kate. Warning just in time……….
It never hurts to pause before jumping, does it, Sidey?
Wonderful, Kate! But didn’t Felix call his team “perimitive animals?” Or did you mean in the next line that you were pretty sure that felix MEANT primitive (in orther words he says what he means and means what he says) rather than giving us the word you think he really meant? Just wondering!
I would love to have Felix come over and visit with me some day or week! Would you please put him on a plane and send him over? You don’t have to come with him, but that would be nice, too! (The whole family is invited to come stay – as long as Felix is with you! 😀 )
Great post, Kate! Thanx!
Oh, Paula, a classic case of “Damn You Autocorrect!” – some of this was written on my iPhone….thanks for the heads-up, all changed now.
Felix is a gem, but I would say that, I’m his mother 😀
Fun post. Love that Monty Python sketch.
“A lion tamer?”
“Yes. Yes. That’s right.”
Sometimes it pays to feel the fear and do it anyway. Other times, caution is the better part of valor.
Glad Felix survived his mid-field attempt.
He has sworn he will stay in goal forever more, Nancy. Think mid field proved a step too far right now 🙂
I love the inadvertent word play that occurs under stress. Felix’s invention of a new word is fantastic and so appropriate!
(Reminds me in a way of a round of ‘Sorry I haven’t a Clue’ and new definitions for old words. Graham Garden is so good at these – but I can rarely remember them after the programme,)
Monty Python as an illustration of the absurd is brilliant too. I am part of a family that uses Python or Pythonesque quotes in everyday life.
“One day all of this will be yours.”
“What? The curtains?”
“Have you paid for the 5 minute argument?” : 0
et al.
Your post hit the nail on the head this evening
Glad to hear it, Pseu 🙂 I love that round of Sorry I haven’t a Clue: the whole programme is a work of genius; as is most of Python. The argument sketch in particular.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good on you, Felix.
Am I right in saying that six weeks ago you ventured; and the contract is coming to its end soon? Hope you’ve enjoyed the time in mid-field.
My two are now trying to memorize the dead parrot sketch for use in a school talent show. It’ll be lion-taming for both of them if this holds true.
Personally, I’d go for working with ant-eaters.
Yes, I quite fancy ant eaters too. Good luck to yours with the parrot sketch. It has never lost its charm, has it?
That piece on sound and history and the filters we use was great 🙂 I seem to be surrounded by sound and fury signifying everything. I could use a good filter.
the peri-imitive word has been ear-worming me!
I’m trying to find a way to use it so that no-one else suspects me of plagirism
Ha! Its contagious, isn’t it, this word!
Felix will be well chuffed if it gets out into the blogosphere!
Why am I now wanting to enjoy a Monty Python Marathon this weekend?
The Cheese Shop
Penguin on the Telly
The Dead Parrot
Paying for Arguments
I could immerse myself in their humor for days.
Burma!
(I panicked)
We are turning back into students, Nancy.
I love, love, love this post. You have the most engaging writing style, Kate. Now I must go discover McLevy for myself.
My son’s soccer team is preparing to get rolling, too. I hope he loves the sport as much as Felix does!
Happy weekend to you!
It’s a great game, Maura, full of technique and finesse: unless, that is, you are surrounded by perimitive animals. Hope your son enjoys the season 🙂
Just beginning to catch up on posts, Kate, and wanted to say how much I enjoyed this. Perimitive. Must remember that.
Hi Penny, hope the last few days have been productive: I haven’t written much either in the last few days: life took off.
As for perimitive: the Oxford Dictionary awaits 😀
I’m mostly perimitive. Leaping for a year or two was exciting, but I’ve gone back to perimitive. Sigh.
This is a great post. May I reference it in my next Sisters in Crime Heart of Texas newsletter? Aside from being interested in McLevy and Ashton, members would be enchanted with Felix, Monty Python, anteaters, and all the rest.
Oooh , thank you, yes, Kathy! It’s nice to have a fellow Vera: someone who veers from the action to the backwater,and back again. We all need our perimitive time -)
It is a continuum, isn’t it. So hard to find that sweet spot- moving target that it is…
It is, isn’t it, Zoe? There is a right spot on the continuum for each moment. We are as restless and crucial as electrons hurtling round a nucleus.
I have been out hunting with camera and bvideo, yet nowhere have I actuallty found a perimitive animal. Arwe you sure they exist. Could you post more on their habitat, habits and appearance, for those amateurs like myself?
Felix is going to do some more research this evening: football practice once more. We’re on it, Sidey 🙂