Let us assume, for a moment, that what a mature adult cat does at a leisurely pace, a kitten will do at dizzying speed.
Why is that? Why do small things travel faster? Is it their tiny circulation systems? Is their circadian rhythm different to ours?
I know, now, what Schrödinger was talking about: that bit about a cat being simultaneously existent, and non-existent. I don’t know what all that Thought Experiment nonsense was about. Kittens have no problem being present and absent at the same time. It doesn’t even require practice. It is an instinct.
With quantum physics a way of life, , then, it is fortunate that kittens do not travel in straight lines, but in cycles.
Grown up cats tread the same paths, day after day. They travel in comfortable well-worn cycles, jumping the same fence at the same point, tormenting the same dog,skirting the same flower bed, indulging in a hard-stare with a woodpile from the same angle every day.
But the kitten’s blood courses its little frame far faster, propelled by a tinier heart altogether, and what the cat does slowly the kitten covers quicker than a human eye.
Clive Bond, the Shrewsday Kitten, can approach the speed of light. I kid you not.
He has a fascination with the dining room table, which is unfortunate, because it is one place his paws are not allowed to tread.
So we sit down for breakfast with a bowl of milk and cereal and the kitten is suddenly there, standing by the bowl, about to help himself.
We are all drilled to treat Bond the same way; we admonish firmly ‘No!’ and pick his small frame up and put it where it should be, on the floor.
It is breakfast. I walk over to the sink and wash my hands ready to sit down and enjoy a peaceful bowlside experience.
But there’s a kitten standing next to it.
Bearing in mind my friends’ advice I lift him up and deliver a resounding ‘No’ and put him on the floor and wash my hands, ready to sit down with the bowl and my thoughts…
…and a kitten.
Doh.
I suddenly feel as though I am caught on a mobius strip: you know those? Put a twist in the link of a paperchain and there you have one: a two-sided piece of paper with only one side. If you had a really obedient linear ant (perhaps we should declare this a thought experiment) the ant could crawl all the way along the strip – having paced both sides of the paper – without ever having crossed the edge.
It’s eternal. It’s infinity. And it expresses perfectly the path of my small Schrödinger kitten.
I can’t even track where he goes. He has a night-time duvet-path from which we are attempting to discourage him. Scrabble up the bed; enter the duvet; find moving foot-target; charge said target. Embed krampons. Become surprised by random event. Fall noisily out of bed.
Blearily someone sometimes wakes up enough to interrupt the cycle by exclaiming ‘No!’ and scooping the kitten out onto the floor.
You see where I’m going with this.
My friends are right: persistence does break the cycle.
But sometimes I am just too dizzy and disorientated to appreciate that breakthrough moment.
Kate Shrewsday 
I didn’t ‘get it’ to begin with but I do now!
Lots of quasi- physics in it today, Julia 😀 Try the paper chain thing. And if you can find an ant and train it, well, that would be useful.
Mmmmm!
I used to give in early to kittens. I’d just share the cornflakes with them:)
Phil has much the same attitude, Roger.
*chuckle* FPF has it! my first kitten shared everything, and became a wine connoisseur
Ha! Was the little soul discerning?
What a live wire!
I love your Mobius illustration!
I think for the likes of Clive Bond one should coin a new term – telekittenetic?
That, Col, is a classic. I shall use it in three conversations today, just to be sure of remembering it 😀
I must admit I smirked with insufferable smugness when I came up with it!
That’s a great word!
don’t they give any kind of infection??
Kittens are always going to be a hazard in that respect, Shihab, hence the whole kitten-off-the-table thing. It’s good training for the kids to keep hands washed and kitten on the correct surfaces (ie the floor!). But we gain so much from having the kitten in the house: it’s an education for the kids and great company for the dog.
whatever suites you..but i don’t like pets ..:( hygiene issue you know
It’s just that oldsters have learned to hurry up and wait. Kinda like the army.
You’re right, Carl. Bond will learn, I’m sure, and slow down eventually…
Perfect description! Our tiny black kitten grew into a tiny black cat. Still spiky, still able to be in three places at once. And still getting up on the table…
Love the kitten adventures almost as much as a Big Al and Master Mac tale.
Clive is taking us into uncharted waters, Lou 🙂
Ha! I recently got a kitten, and he’s the same way. I’ve also noticed I’ll be innocently sitting watching TV, and he’ll suddenly spring to life and start bounding around the house doing these irregular meows.
😀 I’m chuckling just reading this, Katie. They are funny creatures 🙂
Once a cat has control of you, your fate is sealed…
Farewell, Kate Shrewsday; it was nice knowing you when you were a free woman 🙂
Thanks, Tilly. Life will never be the same, I sense.
Well said, Tilly Bud! I was just about to suggest the obvious point that seems to have been overlooked is that Clive Bond is the trainer, NOT the trainee!! Good luck with the program, Kate, et al. 🙂
Thanks Karen :-D. You are, of course, correct. He is a master people-trainer.
Annoying and Adorable at the same time. 🙂
Quite. But with that face: you have to forgive him…
In that center picture, he’s just all eyes and crampons! So what’s it going to be on the eyes? The blue appears to be fading to green? yellow? Whatever, he’s adorable.
I think green, PT, like those wonderful Cornish black cats.
Dear Kate, thanks for the reflections on kittens, the examples, and the photographs. I note that as with all kittens, Clive Bond’s claws are almost always extended. That’s been hard for me to change with a couple of cats with whom I’ve lived in the last forty years. Two of them would just always have their claws extended, even when they patted my face! Peace.
Oh, gracious. A couple of decades of the crampon claws. Here goes, Dee…
I thought your previous explanation of Shroedinger’s Cat was excellent, but this surpasses it. There/Not there. Thank you for taking a load off my brain.
As for the “No’s,” however, I’m not sure persistence works. I think while we’re being firm, kittens just grow up and turn into lazy, sneaky cats.
You may be right, Kathy…any tips gratefully received….
It is nice to know that my Jazzmine has been reincarnated as your kitten.
😀 I will never forget that little form skittering past your piano, again, and again, and again….
This is almost… almost enough to make me want a kitten. Oh Clive Bond.
The ears that lauched a thousand ships…
I wore a mobius scarf today. Does that qualify me to comment here 😉
You need no qualification, Myfanwy 😀 But I love the idea of a mobius scarf. Now what would an ant think of that?
Kittens really are insane. They’re adorable, but insane. I enjoy reading about Clive because it’s been a while since I’ve had a little one. Kitten wrangling is a challenge, but it’s a fun challenge!
It is. You echo our own thoughts, Weebles: here in the UK we call Clive a Nutter.
THAT is the perfect CAT for the Shrewsdays! 😀
Thank you Nancy. He thinks so, too.
If you put Big Al and Clive Bond in a room and closed the door, who do you think would run out of energry first?
Ib have a feeling it would be a straight tie, BB…
And that’s precisely how some kittens grow into being the rulers of the house! We do eventually wear out. They come and go with such a complete shroud of mystery. Amazing, stealth creatures. And you did give your cat the name of Clive Bond! I think he’s growing into his name! 🙂
He is. Clive Bond, action kitten.
The vet came out of the door for Clive’s first round of shots, and said enquiringly, “Bond”?
Phil sat there and said suavely: “Clive Bond, yes?”
The vet’s face was a picture.
Our grandpuppy, Riley, has the same boundless energy as your Clive Bond. I love the mobius strip reference and I’m betting on Bond to finagle a bit of your cereal.
Right now, our 2 cats are sitting nearby and looking deceptively innocent. They’re 4 years old and their energy often kicks in about the time I’m ready for bed.
Enjoy your story.
Thanks Judy 🙂 That bedtime energy spurt – it’s a challenge…
I have the impression the Clive Bond is basking in the attention bestowed upon him by you, Kate. It seems to be a battle of wits that he’s winning as you lose your mind piece by piece to this tiny, training-resistant critter. If CB ever joins forces with Mac I half expect them to write a blog post themselves on this site when weary you has her back turned.
He’s already renamed my Twitter account, Lame. Something along the lines of kjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjhgggggggfsssssssssss.
Hopefully he won’t claw your screen!
Aw, Kate. I’m adoring Clive Bond.
We are too, Penny 🙂
I’m having a good chuckle at this! Hopefully Clive will learn with time 🙂
Let us hope so, Tandy 🙂
Awwww! So cute but I don’t miss those days! I love a middleaged cat who gives you hairy eyeballs when you wake them up!
They are a lot calmer, Kate, that’s for sure!
Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from. Catantics. Certainly not catatonic.
😀 Not at all, Pseu…
did you see Greg’s antics?!
You mean Houdini? Hilarious….I loved the post. I love the expression on Greg’s face even more…
Clive, you heart bulging feline! I once had a Clive and my antidote was to adopt an even younger kitten. My wild one suddenly turned into a responsible older brother. The transformation was miraculous. They were off on hunting sprees and all sorts of neighbourhood antics.
I can just imagine Macaulay…
A younger kitten! Help ;-D I’m not sure Clive is Head Cat material, Amy….
My “Clive”, as a big brother, turned into a gentleman alpha! But likely I was lucky. It could have been a gong show.
You must admit Clive is a persistent teacher … Just like his Mum 🙂
He is indeed 🙂
Hm, fun. Kitty training. 😉
He seems like the perfect kitten — adorable.
You just basically described my exact experience with our new kitten. As someone who has only owned dogs before, this has been an…enlightening experience. It makes me want to tear my hair out at times, at others I just want to scoop her up and tell her to never grow up. Ah, kitten.