The Dog Poo Magnetic Field Theory

Image from ajspecialtyproducts.com

Image from ajspecialtyproducts.com

Who actually measures something like that?

Who was it that formed a hypothesis of such weird and wonderful audacity? Maybe dogs poo in alignment with the earth’s magnetic fields? Who took it to university professors in two universities – the Czech University of Life Sciences and  the University of Duisburg-Essen – to get the research approved?

And who funded research into the direction in which dogs poo?

Whoever and however, you can find the results here.  Someone, somewhere measured 70 dogs of 37 different breeds during defecation (that’s a total of 1,893 measurements). Over two years. Someone took daily magnetograms to determine the magnetic field conditions at the time of their charge’s defecation.

Why?

They have an explanation. Of course they do. “Magnetic alignment, ” goes the abstract, “is a suitable paradigm to scan for the occurrence of magnetosensitivity across animal taxa with the heuristic potential to contribute to the understanding of the mechanism of magnetoreception and identify further functions of magnetosensation apart from navigation.”

In other words, now we know why dogs might make great sailors and always know their way home when they’ve disgraced themselves and shot through. But could we harness the dog’s magneto sensation? Could they have hidden abilities to hold notes to the fridge door?

Is it possible, even, that my dog aligns his rear with magnetic fields in a salute to this astounding globe of ours, shuffling to a position which, like ley lines, has a slight mysticism all its own?

Or perhaps Mother Earth makes it simply more comfortable for a dog to poo in the direction she dictates. It could be that being out of alignment has a degree of discomfort attached to it. Perhaps our Earth Mother has a little of the dominatrix about her.

Alas, how can we ask the dog?

Serendipitously, hope is at hand.

It is possible that in the future, dogs will be able to tell us what they are thinking.

For in the very same month that scientists discovered dogs poo in line with the nearest magnetic field, inventors have experienced an avalanche of crowd funding for a device which claims to read dogs’ thought patterns and translate them.

Check it out at No More Woof.com. The endearing picture of a dog with a headset is backed up by the most astounding claims. News articles claim this headset can already pick up some simple thought patterns. Though they are basic; ranging from “I’m excited!” to “Who are you?”

But what if we could ask them, “So what does the magnetic field feel like? ” or “Why do you poop facing north?” or “Is Mother Earth a tough taskmaster?”

Well, all right, perhaps not that last one. Not for a few years yet, anyway.

We need to teach them metaphysics for dummies first.

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37 thoughts on “The Dog Poo Magnetic Field Theory

  1. the spirit of science is enquiry / curiosity/ ??? sometimes have to wonder about what??? What on earth were you researching that enabled you to come across this? Thanks for sharing…can’t help smiling…

  2. This post does bring to mind the endless hours my childhood mongrel, Mean Streak, would circle the perfect spot to poo with a fiercely determined look on his face. I suspect that Macaulay is cut from the same cloth — or fur. Maybe there is a message in this ritual exercise after all? Thurber, my family’s current pooch — who is not the brightest bulb in the marquee (unlike Mean Streak who probably invented the wheel in a past life) might simply say, “I dunno. I just knew I hadda go! Hey, can I have a treat now?”

  3. Bwahaha! Imagine the cocktail party conversation with these scientists:

    Q: So, Roger, what have you been working on lately.
    A: Poo.
    Q: Poo?
    A: Quite.
    Q: Who’s Poo? Not mine I hope.
    A: Haha. No, dog poo.
    Q: Oh, look, there’s Katrina, just out of the Loo. Let me dash over and fill her in on the what’s what with poo.

  4. So THAT’S why Jazz could never find a place to poo………her magnetic fields were out of whack………..but I swear that dog could talk. I didn’t need a device to read her mind.

  5. Does that mean dogs align with major transmission power lines’ magnetic fields – or just the earth’s ones? If you have generators creating magnetic fields, does that change dog’s poop behavior?
    The big question is now that the sun’s magnetic fields are in the process of reversing, will dogs polka poo in a circle during the next few months?
    Suspect that one of the conclusions of the study was: “More grant money is needed to study these unresolved questions.”

    1. I think they used magneto grams to find the right conditions for assessment, Phil. I am quite sure this is not the end of the dog-MF research. It is just too riveting to drop 😀

  6. It won’t be long before science will reveal that dogs are smarter than their people. That will be quite the headline! And as for poo, all I can say is that Zena has just about ruined our back lawn. Fortunately, she does have a magnetic personality and we love her.

  7. I’ve been watching my male Jack Russell for the past several days and he poops in whatever direction he wants. North-South, East-West, doesn’t seem to matter to him. When it comes to peeing, sometimes he’s North, South, East and West at the same time!

    1. I know: mine does a back and forth shuffle. And sometimes he chooses two different directions. I put it down to unsettled magnetic fields; we have a chain of high-wire electricity pylons in the forest. Never thought of monitoring it myself: must take a compass with me from now on…your jack russell is obviously interrupted by some other field than the earth’s – does he walk in directions like this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Descartes_magnetic_field.jpg

  8. I don’t know if it’s magnetics, but my Maurice is quite particular about where and how he does his More Serious Business. Perhaps we’ve not got good ley lines in our postage stamp of suburbia?

  9. Thanks for such excellent comic relief Kate. I couldn’t stop laughing reading this, even though part of me certainly feels there could be something to it all:-) Out of pure curiosity, I’ll be paying closer but surreptitious attention to the boys – wouldn’t want to embarrass them 🙂

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