Who actually measures something like that?
Who was it that formed a hypothesis of such weird and wonderful audacity? Maybe dogs poo in alignment with the earth’s magnetic fields? Who took it to university professors in two universities – the Czech University of Life Sciences and the University of Duisburg-Essen – to get the research approved?
And who funded research into the direction in which dogs poo?
Whoever and however, you can find the results here. Someone, somewhere measured 70 dogs of 37 different breeds during defecation (that’s a total of 1,893 measurements). Over two years. Someone took daily magnetograms to determine the magnetic field conditions at the time of their charge’s defecation.
They have an explanation. Of course they do. “Magnetic alignment, ” goes the abstract, “is a suitable paradigm to scan for the occurrence of magnetosensitivity across animal taxa with the heuristic potential to contribute to the understanding of the mechanism of magnetoreception and identify further functions of magnetosensation apart from navigation.”
In other words, now we know why dogs might make great sailors and always know their way home when they’ve disgraced themselves and shot through. But could we harness the dog’s magneto sensation? Could they have hidden abilities to hold notes to the fridge door?
Is it possible, even, that my dog aligns his rear with magnetic fields in a salute to this astounding globe of ours, shuffling to a position which, like ley lines, has a slight mysticism all its own?
Or perhaps Mother Earth makes it simply more comfortable for a dog to poo in the direction she dictates. It could be that being out of alignment has a degree of discomfort attached to it. Perhaps our Earth Mother has a little of the dominatrix about her.
Alas, how can we ask the dog?
Serendipitously, hope is at hand.
It is possible that in the future, dogs will be able to tell us what they are thinking.
For in the very same month that scientists discovered dogs poo in line with the nearest magnetic field, inventors have experienced an avalanche of crowd funding for a device which claims to read dogs’ thought patterns and translate them.
Check it out at No More Woof.com. The endearing picture of a dog with a headset is backed up by the most astounding claims. News articles claim this headset can already pick up some simple thought patterns. Though they are basic; ranging from “I’m excited!” to “Who are you?”
But what if we could ask them, “So what does the magnetic field feel like? ” or “Why do you poop facing north?” or “Is Mother Earth a tough taskmaster?”
Well, all right, perhaps not that last one. Not for a few years yet, anyway.
We need to teach them metaphysics for dummies first.